Faith versus skepticism

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Recognised today that I have bouts of incessant crippling doubt, which allures itself merely as rational skepticism and cautionary minimalism, likewise to reductionism. Is this an omen to heed, a demon to suppress, or accurate wisdom to redeem my foundations? How to overcome? It stalls my agency.

The cliche dismissal of such as depression is crassly and boringly low-resolution, in the same way moby dick isn’t about a whale, nor inception about assassins, nor this about emotions. It is about praxis. Allow me to elucidate in my continuation.

Should I trust those who have confidence in face of my doubt? Delegating my agency, which under circumstances of ‘reduced caring for increased focus’ may indeed be a desirable outcome. To stand on the shoulder’s of giants, rather than become of equal stature. The goal of “fake it (confidence) until you (through the help of team work) make it (rightfully earn justified confidence)” which is entirely akin to “a leap of faith”.

Or should I let my doubt strip away the edges, the cliffs, of my fear such that I restore a minimal plane and plain simple life of lower chaotic entropy that can be controllable maintained and expanded upon bit by bit. This desire to consistently stabilise the foundations, is akin to the desire to go bush, to go to the steppes, to go to the nullabour, to go the abyss, the event horizon, the great deep. The risk here is falling back to what I know at the neglection of growing beyond my constraints; a perhaps childish subconscious protection mechanism against the whale of the subconscious tearing at my boat of semblance of cognitive stability. The night ‘mare’ demon shredding one’s previously yet momentarily whole conscience, at the flip of a (light) switch, into the dark depths of one’s subconscious tremors of a fragile feeling from a trembling or beating heart. Perhaps why dream catchers are used, to catch dreams before they catalyse into a cataclysm.

Either is better than the typical workaround, bury one’s head and delegate to happenstance, usually with the assistance of drugs. To become the tool of another’s system, a common pejorative.

Tangentially and alternatively, exploration, curiosity and expansion - the taking a break for a new perspective - often also returns fruit, or at least, a higher awareness of the landscape of the problem/valleys at hand.

To what extent do we trust with faith in confidence to lead us through with delegated guidance, versus trust with conjecture in skepticism to lead ourselves through with determined reason?

This post condenses many books, experiences, and ponderances beyond its initial superficial appearance. I hope for responses in kind.